Hey guys!
It's been a few days since I started this blog and a few days since I posted. Life is busy y'all. I mean when I was a kids life seemed so simple. Life was slow. Now as an adult I'm like gosh, time slow down, give me some down time. Time to breathe. Time to enjoy the moments. I feel like we are so rushed. Rushed every single day trying to squeeze in the most possible thing into the day. I'd be lying if I didn't say it's a struggle.
As I sit in my house, the kids are at school, the husband is working and I'm thinking man I have so much laundry to do, the floor needs swept, the little bit of dishes needs done but all I want to do is just sit here. Soak in some downtime. Some time to breathe. But while doing that, laundry is continuing the pile up making it even harder to catch up. Ugh, motherhood is hard but so rewarding at the same time. Being a wife is hard, but so rewarding.
I got pregnant in high school, at the end of my senior year. I was scared but I had always wanted to be a mom. I was 3 month pregnant when I graduated and 7 month later I welcomed my son into this world. A year and a half later I welcomed my daughter into this world. For many years, 9 to be exact, I was a stay at home mom. I'd be lying if I didn't say I struggled. Guys I STRUGGLED. I had so many days I just felt so depressed. I felt I didn't have a purpose other than being a mom and taking care of the lives I created. I lost myself. I lost myself so bad that I am still trying to figure myself out 10 year later. I'm trying to find my place in this world. What is my purpose other than being a mom to my two amazing children.
I remember sitting in my living room bawling my eyes out to my husband because I was so lost. I had no friends. He worked all the time, 80 hours a week. I was with the kids every second of every day. And don't get me wrong I LOVE my kids more than anything in the world. But man it is so hard to never have an adult conversation. It is so hard to pour from a completely empty cup! I was anxious, irritable, depressed, sad. I didn't give up, I pushed through. I couldn't give up. I had the two most important things in my life looking up at me watching my every move. I'm not a perfect mom. Not a perfect wife either. I'm so flawed, but that's okay. I get up every day and show up for my kids.
After that moment on my living room floor I had decided that I wanted to go to school. I knew it wasn't going to be easy but I had to do something. When the kids were both in school full time, I registered for school myself. When I was a kid I wanted to be a singer lol, obviously as I got older I knew that was not something I would ever pursue because of how shy I was. But I also wanted to be a nurse. I loved taking care of people. I was always taking care of my sisters like I was their mother even though I wasn't and they had a good mom. I decided nursing was for me, so I enrolled. My first year was a rough one. I hadn't been in school for so long. I forgot how to study, I forgot what worked for me. I struggled. I cried constantly.
I barely made it through my first semester because I was trying to juggle so much. The kids, the house, school, and the time we had some other things going on as well. Second semester rolls around and things were a little better but I was still struggling. At the end of my second semester my grade was not where it was suppose to be. I missed it by a few points and failed out. I had to wait 8 months to enroll back into the program and retake what I had failed or just give up on it all together. I chose to keep going and not give up. I waited 8 months, re-enrolled and passed with flying colors. Went through summer semester with ease and graduated in August of 2016. I landed my first job as an LPN close to home at our local clinic.
At first I hated my job. The nurses were NOT friendly at all. They were not welcoming. I vividly remember one nurse saying, "can you just put her over there by the printer out of our way?" I was so upset, embarrassed and ready to give up already and I had just started. As time went on things got better. I thought this is getting better. I was having adult conversations, meeting new people. Things were still rough though. Just keep swimming right?
In 2018 my husband and I made a big purchase. We bought a restaurant. What were we thinking lol. Well, we were thinking it's an investment. And that it is. It's stressful at times but also rewarding as well. Within the first couple of months of being open our business took off. My husband had to quit his job in order to help keep the restaurant going and 6 months ago I quit my job because I was drowning with making the desserts, juggling the kids and sports, payroll, the house and other things in between. I still work as needed, but I try to limit it just because I get so far behind on everything at home when I'm gone 8 hours of the day.
Things are not easy. Life is crazy. I'll be 34 years old this year and I still have not found my place in this world though. I haven't found my passion other than my kids and being their mom but that's different than the passion I'm looking for. So I thought maybe if I start writing about my struggles in life, get them on paper instead of just in my head, maybe that will help me see more. Open things up for me, help me find myself! So here I am. Being raw and open with the internet!
That's all for today guys! I hope you have a great day.
XOXO Kiesha
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